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Flight / Arrival

THE FLIGHT

Uneventful.

I sat next to a small French boy who began the flight by scanning SkyMall, judging whether the prices were good, then ripping pages out, and who ended the flight by taking a three-hour nap on me.

A flight attendant — not, I am sure, the one in charge, based on how much she acted in charge — named Ruth Ann screeched commands in a shrill, faux-baby voice. I imagine she thinks this voice makes her sweet or cute, but it gives the impression of a toddler trapped in Nurse Ratchet. She was the sort of person who thinks she’s nice, but is actually a huge bitch.

ARRIVAL

I missed New York as soon as I got in Catherine’s car. LA expands in a 2D plane; New York is a 3D city. Like everyone has said, the weather is nice and everyone drives. I keep looking for smaller cultural differences but they take time to arise. I keep reminding myself that the ability to adapt is a highly valuable trait and I should be excited to cultivate it.

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I'm a comedian and writer.
I live in Los Angeles.